When an idiot replies to your craigslist posting…

I had a pocket wi-fi that I didn’t want anymore, but still had a year left on the contract. I decided to post an ad on craigslist to see if anyone wanted to take over the contract. I got a lot of idiotic replies, but this one took the biscuit.

Original Message

No, your eyes do not deceive you, he really did use giant font, caps and wrote in bold. Also, his name was Roger Moor. I wish it was Roger Moore. 

My response

Second message

My second response


When diplomats send you an email, act natural…

My Response

I didn’t respond within 48 hours. So, maybe he got annoyed with me, and left for Australia. What a high flier. 
Your cash consignment 170330

When the phishers aren’t even making an effort anymore…

Sometimes, the phishers aren’t even trying and they send you a really, really short email. I decided if they weren’t going to put any effort into our potential relationship, then I’d throw in the extra difficulty of a language barrier…

Original Phishing Email

Good business deal – when someone wants ‘to acquaint you…of $12.1M’

Sometimes the phishers really like to lay the compliments on thick.

Phishing Email

Dear friend,
 I am Nelson Taylor from Dublin, Ireland. Based on good recommendation that you are a straight forward fellow and reliable to do business with in areas of investment and financial partnering, I am writing to acquaint you of a transaction and monetary transfer of US$12.1M.
 I need a partner to have custody of funds and we can invest on Real Estate which is at the low presently.
 I await your email response and be free to respond to my email with any question.
 Your truly,
 Nelson Taylor
I felt quite slick and buttered up after all these compliments, so I made sure to get myself acquainted with this $12.1. Although, I was disappointed by the small amount of money compared to what my other ‘friends’ have offered me. I was also excited to hear that “Real Estate is at the low presently”.

My Response

No response received. :/
Good business deal 151205

A New Tactic Emerges – let’s all speak second languages…

Sometimes, when I’m feeling particularly cheeky, I decide to respond to the emails in Japanese. Surprisingly, my phishers are not deterred. A battle of wills and confusion soon ensued…

Phishing Email – Original

Subject: I am waiting for your response

Hello My Good Friend,
 First, I’m soliciting your utmost confidentiality in this Transaction.I am Dr.Peter Sullivan,the foreign Operations Manager Standard Bank Plc.One of our customers who bears the same name with you,a national of your country,who used to work with Chevron Oil Producing Company in United Kingdom that died On the 25th of December 2003,on the single reason of visiting his in-laws.His wife{A LEBANESE} and their only daughter were involved in a Plane crash on their way home for the holidays and were among the 111 people confirmed dead….Check the cnn website here for confirmation…(http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/12/25/benin.crash/index.html)
 Since then we have made several inquiries to your embassy here to locate any of his extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful.
 After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track over the Internet, to locate any member of his family or relative hence I contacted you.I’m taking this advantage in order to better my life and that of my family. I have contacted you to assist in repatriating  the fund valued at US$20.7 million Left behind by our customer before it gets Confiscated or declared UN-serviceable by our bank where this huge amount was deposited.Our bank has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated in the next six months. For the fact that I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives since then I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you. Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss the percentage that is coming to me after the money is  been credited in your chosen account and the modalities for transfer.I can assist in procuring the n
 ecessary information and legal do
 If this proposal is acceptable by you, kindly get back to me .I want you to also furnish me with your private telephone/fax or preferably your mobile numbers and I will have to apply for the release and subsequent Transfer of the fund in your favor.
 Please get in touch with me urgently.
 Thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation.
 Yours Faithfully,
 Dr.Peter Sullivan
 Operations Manager
 Standard Bank London,United Kingdom
 Please upon your response include your private telephone and fax
 for further and oral communication

My Initial Response

Translation: Ooo! What does this mean?
Side note: I particularly liked the way Dr Sullivan worded his email, cramming it with a lot of details that lulled me into a false sense of security. Then, invited me for some oral communication. 
Not to be deterred a few weeks later Dr Sullivan got back in touch with me.

Second Phishing Email

Kindly re-confirm your information for us to proceed.
Your Full Name:
Your Complete Address:
Direct Phone Number:
Mobile Number:

My Second Response

Translation: I don’t understand. Your reply is in English, isn’t it? Japanese is better. 
Well, Dr Sullivan was keen for me to receive my $20m. 

Third Phishing Email

You can write in Japanese
Kind of a weird response since I had only ever written in Japanese and only to say I didn’t understand what he was saying. He must have been feeling really lonely to have kept coming back to this email conversation.

My Third Response

Translation: I don’t understand. I don’t understand English.
And Dr Sullivan was never to be heard from again… 
Peter3 160406

Skye Bank – when you find out you ‘inherited’ $7.5m

Skye Bank emailed me. A very well known and reputable bank, no doubt. Everything seemed above board so I decided to go ahead and reply to get the $7.5m they said I had inherited.


Phishing Email – original message


Attention Beneficiary,
We were authorized by the President, Federal Republic of Benin and the Governing Board of Central Bank to investigate the unnecessary delay of your payment,to also recommend and approve your claims for payment if the report of the unclaimed contract/inheritance funds is genuine. However, we discovered that your funds has been unnecessarily delayed by corrupt officials of some banks.
We have agreed with the authority that we will handle this payment ourselves to avoid the hopeless situation created by those officials. Currently your Inheritance/Contract fund of $7.5Million has been credited in  ATM card.Contact Mr.Shegun Akintomi(Skye bank ATM director)with your details including phone lines for immediate delivery.
Contact Name: Mr.Shegun Akintomi
office line:+22966854680.
management of Skye Bank Plc

My Initial Response

They were highly professional individuals and replied the same day!

Phishing Email 2

Subject: Regarding Your ATM Card
Attention: Sir,
 This office write to acknowledge the receipt of your mail regarding your $7.5 millions united states dollars. As the mail indicated earlier, your funds has been credited in ATM card in your favor. As the president and other governing board instructed. It has been signed and stamped that your funds will be sent to you through an official ATM card in care of this bank. I am the director in charge of your ATM card.
 All you need to do is to reconfirm your details like full name, home address and direct phone number and make sure there is no error in it. This is to avoid any wrong delivery or loss of your ATM card. I will register your ATM card for shipment once you reconfirm your information to me. The delivery will take only 48 hours as it was scheduled.
 I will be waiting to hearing from you soon.Thanks for your corporation,
 Mr.Shegun Akintomi
 ATM director.
 Skye Bank Plc
Still keen I responded posthaste… 

My second response

Yes, I take it. What I do?
They were obviously starting to feel frustrated with me. So they sent me exactly the same email again. 

My third response

I’m still waiting for my $7.5m…
Contact Skye Bank 20151117-page-001-page-001

The First Phish – the first time I responded to a phishing email

Like most humans out there, I receive phishing emails on a daily basis. One day, I don’t actually remember when, I decided that I had wasted enough time deleting phishing emails from my inbox. It was time to fight back! I wanted to waste the time of the phishers for once instead…

Full disclosure; this wasn’t actually my first response to a phisher, it’s just one of the oldest I could find in my sent mail box. I purged my emails a couple of times over the years for one reason or another, so lost my oldest ones.

Phishing Email

Subject: Congratulations!

We announce the winner of the BMW NATIONAL LOTTERY PROMO UK,your
e-mail address,attached to winning number 34-11-06-45-40-122,with serial number
678901,you have been approved for lump sums pay out of 750,000.00 British
Pound along with a brand new BMW 1 Series 5-door (2015) Credited to file REF
NO:BMW-3456003/15E NOTE:No winning Lotto Max ticket sold, Selection process was
carried out through a random selection in our computerized email selection
machine (ORACE) from a database of over 1,000,000 email addresses drawn from
all data base world wide). For claims send us your,
Full Name:
Phone No:
Edgar Heinrich
Director of Promo

My Response

I claim for you.
I wonder why BMW would have a cash prize instead of a car giveaway?

BMWlottery 20151120-page-001