When an idiot replies to your craigslist posting…

I had a pocket wi-fi that I didn’t want anymore, but still had a year left on the contract. I decided to post an ad on craigslist to see if anyone wanted to take over the contract. I got a lot of idiotic replies, but this one took the biscuit.

Original Message

No, your eyes do not deceive you, he really did use giant font, caps and wrote in bold. Also, his name was Roger Moor. I wish it was Roger Moore. 

My response

Second message

My second response

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When diplomats send you an email, act natural…

My Response

I didn’t respond within 48 hours. So, maybe he got annoyed with me, and left for Australia. What a high flier. 
Your cash consignment 170330

When the phishers aren’t even making an effort anymore…

Sometimes, the phishers aren’t even trying and they send you a really, really short email. I decided if they weren’t going to put any effort into our potential relationship, then I’d throw in the extra difficulty of a language barrier…

Original Phishing Email

Good business deal – when someone wants ‘to acquaint you…of $12.1M’

Sometimes the phishers really like to lay the compliments on thick.

Phishing Email

Dear friend,
 I am Nelson Taylor from Dublin, Ireland. Based on good recommendation that you are a straight forward fellow and reliable to do business with in areas of investment and financial partnering, I am writing to acquaint you of a transaction and monetary transfer of US$12.1M.
 I need a partner to have custody of funds and we can invest on Real Estate which is at the low presently.
 I await your email response and be free to respond to my email with any question.
 Your truly,
 Nelson Taylor
I felt quite slick and buttered up after all these compliments, so I made sure to get myself acquainted with this $12.1. Although, I was disappointed by the small amount of money compared to what my other ‘friends’ have offered me. I was also excited to hear that “Real Estate is at the low presently”.

My Response

No response received. :/
Good business deal 151205

The First Phish – the first time I responded to a phishing email

Like most humans out there, I receive phishing emails on a daily basis. One day, I don’t actually remember when, I decided that I had wasted enough time deleting phishing emails from my inbox. It was time to fight back! I wanted to waste the time of the phishers for once instead…

Full disclosure; this wasn’t actually my first response to a phisher, it’s just one of the oldest I could find in my sent mail box. I purged my emails a couple of times over the years for one reason or another, so lost my oldest ones.

Phishing Email

Subject: Congratulations!

We announce the winner of the BMW NATIONAL LOTTERY PROMO UK,your
e-mail address,attached to winning number 34-11-06-45-40-122,with serial number
678901,you have been approved for lump sums pay out of 750,000.00 British
Pound along with a brand new BMW 1 Series 5-door (2015) Credited to file REF
NO:BMW-3456003/15E NOTE:No winning Lotto Max ticket sold, Selection process was
carried out through a random selection in our computerized email selection
machine (ORACE) from a database of over 1,000,000 email addresses drawn from
all data base world wide). For claims send us your,
Full Name:
Country/Address:
Age:
Sex:
Occupation:
Phone No:
Sincerely!
Edgar Heinrich
Director of Promo

My Response

I claim for you.
I wonder why BMW would have a cash prize instead of a car giveaway?

BMWlottery 20151120-page-001

The advent of phishing emails! The horror! 

Remember when the internet was a magical place full of mystery? You got your first email address and suddenly you were connected to the world! Then, one day, you get an email from someone in a far off land giving you some amazing news, and you think what is this about? Over time you come to realise that this is the start of SOMETHING TERRIBLE. The advent of phishing emails!

How do you cope? Well, at first I ignored them. And then one day. I stopped…

Gone phishing.